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Last week, OB-Wan gave me a chocolate version of the Defiant from Star Trek: DS9. I was immediately inspired to create Action Figure Theatre. I don't actually own any action figures, however, but I was determined not to let that stop me. Therefore, I present:

Star Trek Deep Space Nine: Just Desserts

[exterior shot of space]



A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Ensign Nog: Uh, sir? That's the wrong intro.



Right...ahem. SPACE! THE FINAL FRONTIER!

Lt. Dax: Benjamin? Didn't Captain Picard have words with you about stealing his schtick?



Oh, fine. CAPTAIN'S LOG, Stardate 12345.67. My tiny ship and my huge crew and I are on a scouting mission, looking for safe harbours for supply ships refueling the front lines. The war with the Dominion has hit us all hard. Just last Tuesday, I found Chief O'Brien in Engineering crying over the fried out circuits of something he calls...

Col. Kira: Sir! I'm reading a planet on our scans!

Miles: Thank goodness.



Lt. Dax: I've seen a lot of planets in my 15 lives, and none of them have looked like that!

Ensign Nog: There's a gravity well on either end, sir. The distortions have caused the planet to elongate and...

Sisko: Whatever, ensign. Can we use this planet or what?

Col. Kira: Sir! I'm picking up a sudden tectonic shift! The entire planet is breaking in half.



Cmdr. Worf: CHANGELINGS!

Sisko: Red alert! Fire torpedoes.



Miles: Sir! We appear to have scored several direct hits, but they've returned fire!



Sisko: All hands BRACE FOR IMPACT!



Ensign Nog: Sir! SIR! We're venting plasma!
Miles: We're venting EVERYTHING.
Sisko: Doctor! Get up here. We need your help.
Dr. Bashir: I'm a doctor, not a pastry chef!
Lt. Dax: Benjamin, we have to abandon ship!
Sisko: All hands abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!
Miles: So much for the Federation Chocolate Line.
Col. Kira: We didn't make the escape pods out of chocolate too, did we?

...what will they try selling us next Easter?
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