grav_ity: (kate - this is a hold up)
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AN: Okay, I said that there wouldn’t be a Kate tag for “Awakenings” because I was writing a longer fic about it. I lied, okay? I just can’t help myself. ;)

Spoilers: Awakenings

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Characters: Kate, Helen, Will, Henry, The Big Guy

Summary: This is who you are.

+++

Bridges

These are the things you will know

You stand on the bridge with the wind in your hair and nowhere to go but down.

You have a gun, of course. You’re not stupid. It’s hidden away, concealed beneath the jacket, but you can get to it in a fraction of a second if you have to. You’ve practiced, and even without that, you’ve always been a quick draw.

They think you’ve come to bargain, maybe even to beg. You wonder what they think they’ll hear from you. That you’re scared of your boss, that she made you do it against your will, that you never wanted to betray him. Except you aren’t afraid of her, and she’s never made you do anything, not really, and even though betrayal eats at your soul, it’s not like he didn’t betray you first.

You’re not here to bargain. You’re here to offer terms. And you know exactly what will happen to him if he chooses to ignore you. He’s lucky already that she was out of town when this went down. You’ve seen people burn for less.

Down isn’t something to be feared, not any more. Not since she showed you what the Underworld is really about.

These are the things you will learn

You fit.

For a long time, you thought that fit was forced, unwelcome even. That you’d just slid in on top of someone who had gone too soon and that they all saw someone else when they looked at you. They’ve looked at you differently since India, since you fought so hard against powers you couldn’t contain or control. She trusted you before that, though. It just took you a while to see it.

It’s why you can stand on Dead Bridge and not fear the fall to the water below or the hired goons who train their guns on you as soon as they realize what you’ve done. You can stand there and talk about your attitude and mean every single word of it, because even though you didn’t tell them the whole story, and you certainly didn’t tell them this part of it, they’ve still got your back.

He’s afraid of you, even though you’re tiny and you appear unarmed and alone. That is the power of the name, the power you’ve associated yourself with. It reaches out so much further than you ever thought it could, supported by one person who gets both larger and smaller than life the more time you spend with her. It’s a place of dark miracles, her house. And now you’re tied up with it too.

You’ve always had a place there, at this house, on this bridge; you just had to find it.

These are the things you will teach

It takes a while, but eventually you find the cracks.

They need someone who knows the world, who is not afraid of it. You haven’t been afraid of very much for a long time, and you take your spot on the front line without hesitating. She never questions your place beside her, and the first time she smiles at you and tells you you’ve done a good job, you feel like you could light the world on fire.

You show them that life goes on. It’s a hard lesson, one you’ve learned all too well and almost hate passing on. But they start asking your advice and seeking out you when they are planning missions, even if it’s not something that’s your strength. You show them that the team can survive, even if it changes a little bit from time to time. This is something she already knows, but you understand that sometimes she needs to be reminded of it.

They trust you. You’ve taught them that darkness, true darkness, is more than a place to hide. So when you go to them with your request, they’re in Kevlar and standing behind you even though your plan is not completely thought through. They follow you because they know who you are now, and because they understand who you were.

You’ll never let them stand alone again, just like you don’t stand alone now.

These are the things you will love

Once you would have seen them only as their market worth.

You never dealt in the sentient ones, not on purpose anyway, and you’re never more glad of that as when The Big Guy offers you a red vine the first time you catch him watching terrible television when everyone else is out of the house. And you’d never even heard of what Henry turns into, beyond thinking it’s a myth and a story to tell around the campfire if you happened to be out of the city on a job.

You’ve given up trying to figure out Will. He’s as lost as you are, after a fashion, but you share common ground in that this place is the best home you’ve had since you can last remember being happy. You know more about the creatures than he does, but he knows more about people. There’s not a lot you can’t do, together. Mumbai showed you that much.

You really thought she’d kill you, and then you thought she’d leave you to die, and then you thought she’d throw you out entirely. She does none of these things, and it takes a long time for that to not surprise you. She doesn’t treat you like a freelancer, but she gives you your independence, and you appreciate that. You have a lot to learn.

You can feel them with you on the bridge and you know you’ll still spend your whole life making it up to them.

This is you

+++

finis

Notes: For [livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl, who doesn’t even watch the show, but who said “Second person present has a bit of a mystical air about it, like it's your character's higher self, watching her do stuff, or something. Second person future is a little more hardcore, like God on the Mountaintop saying Thou Shalt Go Forth And Have Ship.”

Gravity_Not_Included, May 22, 2011
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